Let me start by saying I love my son with every ounce of my entire being. He's all I could ask for in a son, and since he's the only child I'll have, I am eternally grateful for him and the joy he has brought to my and DH's lives. With that being said....my son has been nothing short of a holy terror today. I know what you're all thinking, "Whaaaat? How is that possible? He's such an angel and could never be less than a source of joy, love, happiness and inner peace". Well, I have to beg to differ. Does anyone know exactly what it's like to have a hard headed, independent, cranky 10 month old who is also teething?? It is trying, frustrating and enough to make you want to hide in the closet and then wonder when it's time to go back to work...
DS has been up since 0721 this morning. Now, I'm not complaining about that-are you kidding me? Hell no. He's always been a terrific sleeper. Except for nap times. Nap times, he will fight you like Lex Luthor does Superman, but bedtime, and he's a dream. So much so that I have been walking around in a smug stupor of "My son sleeps through the night like a dream...." (Insert pretentious British accent here). Meanwhile, what I'm not letting on is that when it comes to naps, he's incorrigible. Anyway, within about 25 minutes of him being up and awake, it happened. I don't know who did it, or when, much less where the hell I was when it happened, but someone snuck into my house and kidnapped my child and replaced him with the crankiest baby of them all, one who's Cheerios had obviously been pissed in. So by 0800, one can imagine, I was pretty frazzled, worn out, and in general wondering if Hubs would believe me when I said I had to go to work. So all day, I have dealt with the crabbiest of babies. One minute he's crying, the next minute he's laughing and giggling and melting my heart. Then he's screaming, then he's quiet and playing. Then he's crying, and so on and so on... Meanwhile, Hubs is moaning and groaning about still being tired and considering going back to bed. WTF. Everything I did was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. I get DS breakfast, he doesn't want it. I put it up, he wants it. And hubs is talking about going back to bed. Over my dead body. So instead he zones out into a movie. And then a video game, leaving me to handle and trouble shoot my son (now, he is OUR son, but at that point in my life, he was MINE), but getting frustrated all the same with DS's indecisiveness about what he wants.
Eventually, after 3 attempts to put DS down for a nap, only to have him climb out of his bed and show no signs of closing his eyes even to blink, I tapped out and said, "Fuck it. I'm done. If he doesn't want a nap, he doesn't want a nap." Cause I'm too tired to argue with a 10 month old. I take a shower, and even bring him in with me. I do my hair, and change his clothes. I make lunch for all of us. And still DS is happy, then he's sad, etc etc. All the while doing the "I'm tired" eye rub when he thinks I'm not looking. And Hubs is still playing his video game. And blissfully ignoring what's going on. And it makes me want to throttle him. And scream at him to stop what he's doing and pay attention to me and DS. But I don't. Because I know that once they go back to Texas, Hubs won't have the ability to zone out and let someone else worry about our son. So I know he cherishes the moments I take care of our son, and I do try not to begrudge him those moments. Just because I understand doesn't mean it doesn't frustrate me. I really try to give him breaks since he doesn't get many when I'm not around, and being over here with me for a bit, he definitely doesn't when I'm at work! Now our son's room is on the side of the apartment where the sun shines it's lovely rays of light and warmth in, right about the time we try to give DS a nap. So we got to thinking that perhaps one of the reasons it's been such a struggle to get him down for a nap here is because there's too much light in his room. Since we don't have any curtains, we decided to improvise with blankets. Naturally, we'll take them down when our apartment is featured on MTV cribs. We finally get them hung across the windows and I put him down, kicking and screaming, by the way, for a nap. The first time, he fusses and cries. I go back in when the cries are louder, like they would be if he had gotten out of his bed and was now sitting behind the door; which he had and was. I put him back into bed, he lays down, inserts thumb in mouth, and stays down. Victory is mine! I close the door. I make coffee, I settle in for some "ahhh" time. And it lasts for all of 25 minutes. And he's up again. So being an advocate of the Cry it Out method, I wait about 5 minutes. He's still crying. I go in there, prepared to be as boring as possible. And he's sitting up, crying his little heart out. But kind of still asleep. So I rub his back. Still crying. I get him a bottle. He doesn't want it (and yes, Hubs, I will get you my phone so you can make a phone call in a minute...bit busy here). I go back in and lay him down. And tell him mommy loves him, and realize he is indeed still asleep, yet crying frantically at the same time (which is common when he's sleep deprived, which does happen, despite our attempts to not let it happen). So I back out of the room, close the door, and then listen for the crying to stop. And it has. And I have to stop myself from going in there to check on him, to make sure he's still breathing, alive, not stuck somehow from doing his Harry Houdini impression by escaping from his bed. But I know me, I'll do my damndest to creep in and check on him, only to find him sitting up, chewing on his bear's nose. And ruin the "ahhh" time I've been trying to get.
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